Today I am launching our series. It is a series on change and transitioning from something major in our lives to another. The reason why I wanted to launch this series is because in the last year, literally from this time last year till now, so much has happened in my life. Many of the people that I know are currently in college and graduating soon or are venturing into their lives more and are experiencing some sort of transition. Someone once said, “the only thing that is constant is change” or some variation of that. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Anyway, I just wanted to share my journey in hopes that it will encourage you to keep going, keep trying, keep believing, keep dreaming, and to not let the world change you, or stop you, or get you down.
With that said, here we go.
At this time last year, I was a full time student, teaching, worked an on campus job that took up a lot of my time, while also trying to balance friendships, church life and serving, and also trying to make sure that there was some sort of self care somewhere in there. Most of my friends would tell you that this is typical Emma. I would agree that I was always doing something. However, the biggest thing on my mind was what in the world was I going to do after I graduated. Haha I know, we all ask ourselves that question or someone asks us that question and it gets annoying fast. Most people in my field already know what they are doing. Teaching! Well, I knew that I loved it. My students were great and always put a smile on my face. I loved connecting with them and hearing their stories from the weekend or something that I missed. I enjoyed going to games, choir concerts, band concerts…etc. to cheer them on for their passions outside the classroom. Haha oh the memories. Definitely an experience that I will never forget. Now, while I loved doing that, I knew I didn’t want to do that right away after I graduated. I enjoyed getting to know my students and building relationships with them and encouraging them to do the amazing things that they were created to do, but outside of that, I knew that teaching just wasn’t it. What the heck I was actually supposed to do, I couldn’t tell you. So, while everyone in my Education classes were applying to jobs, or getting jobs or finishing up our tests, I was in my dorm room or in my professors office just frustrated because here I was as someone who almost always had a plan for things and knew what she was doing, just didn’t. For the first time in a very long time, I had no idea what I was doing as I was heading out into the “adult world”. I continued on teaching and encouraging my students. Planning lessons, going to events, making time for the people in my life, attending events at school, working, and just taking in each moment as the clock was ticking down for graduation. It was rough fam.
I was sad. I was scared. I was frustrated.
If I showed you my journal from this time last year, there would literally be an entry for almost every single day. Some words nicely written, others everything was written in all caps and big letters just trying to help myself get to a place where I was okay to be presentable to those around me. During this time there were many FaceTimes made to my parents just talking things through and listening to their advice, many times there were tears. I just did not know what to do. I had been praying so much and just asking God for wisdom, direction, guidance, discernment, something, anything, and I just felt like I did not hear Him. My few close friends that new would encourage me and just be there.
I eventually got to a place where I was okay for the time being. I felt like I was in a good place thought-wise and I could go back to truly enjoying life while balancing all the things that I was doing. I really was okay.
All of that was just round one. This happened so many times during this last semester. It was just a continuous cycle. However, if there is one thing I really learned and grew to appreciate, it was my team of people around me. Only two or three people really knew what was going on simply because I still was not the person to share when I was struggling. (One of the things I am working on this year). But even those that didn’t know were just awesome. It was nice being able to walk through the hallways and see people that made me smile. To see people and remember fun memories that we had. It made me feel like the whole thing was worth it, and that despite the fact I still had no idea what the heck I was doing after all of this, it was worth me going to school. If I hadn’t, I would never have met so many amazing people, and had done and gone on so many amazing adventures. Everyday, every conversation, every class, every place I went with people, every school event, every sporting event, every chapel, every worship night, every time I was ever with people was an adventure. Each one a little different, and each time, an opportunity to know some pretty amazing people with their own stories, dreams and goals.
So, at this time last year, while all of the unknowns actually needed to be addressed, and I was struggling, and trying to figure things out, and just taking in everyday, I got to embrace those around me that allowed me to be in there lives. While I was down, even if they did not know it, and among the frustration, sadness, and “lost-ness” that I felt, there was good.
With all that being said, if you find yourself here, know that it is normal. Know that it is okay to not have a single clue as to where God is calling you to go. Know that it is okay to admit you are struggling and let people in, even if I didn’t. (I know that is so much easier said than done). Know that it is okay to be lost in the unknown. And also know that despite all of that, He, the God who has written your story, that knows you better than anyone else ever will, that sees you, knows your heart, and hears you when you share your dreams and desires and even your frustrations with Him, has you in His hands. You will get through this time.
If I can challenge you to something, I would say to look around each day and find the people that make you happy. Be around them. Enjoy those conversations, and take in those moments. Write them down so you have them to remember. Taking time to stop and just be during this time was one of the best things I could have done, and it helped me so much.
I hope that this was encouraging to you. To know that these things happen, and to know that it is okay. I am praying for you this week and I hope that it is a great one.
Know you are loved and prayed for!